DIFFERENT. Everything is different. Ten years ago had you asked me what Christmas 2020 would be like, my description would have not been anything like reality has come to be. It is so very different this year. The traditional definition of different states “unlike in nature, form, or quality”. Unlike. What strikes me is there is no judgement in the definition. It just states unlike. It does not indicate superiority nor inequity of value. That is where my own prejudices come to play. I have a choice in how to view the difference. I have the power to give the difference connotations of good and bad.
This year my family is so much smaller. I am reminded of this curtesy of FaceBook memories from just six years ago. I see the last photo of my intact family. It was the last Christmas my oldest sister would be present with us. I had no idea that she was not the only one that was soon to be absent. Within three years my sister would pass on due to cancer, an affair and divorce would end my marriage, and my mother would enter her reward after 90 years. My high school daughter would grow up and begin her young adult life outside my home. I would no longer live in the home we gathered in for the picture. Extended family members with whom I have spent all of my Christmas celebrations are held away by a virus that has captured the world. Yes, different definitely describes my 2020 Christmas.
I shed some tears recalling, missing, and even mourning the past. Good times existed that can never be replicated. Simple things as my sister’s carefully decorated sugar cookies and mother’s love for spice gum drops cause tears to well up. Traditions of painting ornaments and making candy are on hold for who knows how long. It is good to recall those times and memories. I laugh with those who can remember with me with phone calls texts. I am sad and blessed in the same moment. Blessed to have had those wonderful people and moments, yet sad the memory makers are not with me.
Here lies the choice I have to make. Do I stay in the past, holding it as some holy grail to never be equaled nor certainly surpassed? Do I permit the past to cast long dark shadows the present? Do I accept different for what it is and move forward? It sounds like some sappy holiday movie plot with a grumpy curmudgeon needing a renewed holiday spirit, but in reality, I do have a choice to make. I do have to choose.
I am riding home from my middle sister’s home late Christmas night. I listen to Christmas carols and begin to think. As the carols paint pictures of a manger, angels, shepherds, and a star, I begin to realize the very nature of Christmas is different. God sent his Son to the world in such a different way than expected. Political leaders expected a warrior to defeat the enemy and set up a new government. Religious leaders expected Him to follow the law. The common people expected stately parents and a comfortable birth in a respectable home. God surprised them all and ultimately us by choosing different. Different from what was expected. An engaged young girl. A working class man. A trip across the country. A birth in a stable with a manger for a cradle. Third shift low class workers in the form of shepherds to be the first to hear of the King of King’s arrival. Worship and financial support provided by foreign scholars and astrologers. All very different than what was expected. It all began a life that was never what was expected by those who thought they knew. A life, death, and amazing resurrection that was so not what was expected. God chose different to be able to reunite with a world He so loved.
My questions still hover unanswered. Do I lament my situation is different or do I celebrate the first Christmas Day in my sister’s home in more than a decade? Do I cry that nothing is the same or do I celebrate that I had Christmas Eve with my adult daughter? Do I lament not spending the entire Christmas day with her or celebrate that she is blessed to have another loving family that is equally desiring her company with their son? Do I lament not being with my extended family or celebrate technology that allows me to see in real time niece’s and nephew’s joy in opening gifts I could send with a few computer clicks? Do I cry that I return home to quiet or celebrate the lights on the roof and Christmas tree shining from the window of the house I love and am blessed to own? Do I lament the loss of those no longer in my life or do I celebrate the unexpected number of calls, texts, and FaceBook notes that let me know friends and family thought of me on this blessed holiday? The choice is mine.
I have chosen to let different mean just that…different. I choose to embrace the time spent and memories made this year. No, this season has not been like I thought it would be in my 10 year plan, but it has truly still all been very good. It has still all been very blessed. It has still all been very memorable. It is because I have chosen to celebrate.
How can I do this? Because of my one constant. The reason for the season. Jesus. He is timeless and already knew what 2020 would be before I gave it any thought. He was already here with the blessings and gifts. I had to choose to see and accept those gifts He provided. Just as those who chose to see and accept a baby in a manger as the the King of Kings, I also chose to accept and even celebrate the different. I admit like them I did not understand it all, but He does. I chose to trust that different can be very good in the hands of an awesome God.